AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |
Back to Blog
I hated myself for what I had become and lost everything I cared about as I slowly began to slip further and further from the realm of sanity due to do my mental instability and was left an empty shell of who I once was. I was terrified of giving into the temptation and end it once and for all, I had reached an all-time low. This time around, I had no friends who would come to my rescue and save me. I had stopped taking my anti-depressants and was petrified by the thought of developing suicidal tendencies once again. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt as it was the moment when I needed her the most, but I don’t hold any resentment towards her. Understandably, it became too much for her and she left. She dealt with every single emotion imaginable, good and bad. Without anti-depressants, calling me a mess would be a severe understatement and unfortunately for my then girlfriend, she was the sole person I could confide in. With anti-depressants, my emotions were barely stable, it was fairly difficult to not get upset over trivial matters. Slightly over a year later, I decided I would stop taking my anti-depressants as I wasn’t comfortable with idea of taking a substance in order to be accepted by societal standards. Perhaps it was disingenuous of me to solely embrace this girl because I simply had no one else to fit the description I told her everything, putting my entire trust and confidence in her. As some would might expect, I found solace in a girl, my current ex-girlfriend. Yes I was a coward riddled with the fear of dealing with a harsh reality, but I was also not of the best mindset. After everything they did for me and all the anxiety and hardship I put them through, it amounted to me dropping them like a bad-habit. In the end I decided to disassociate myself from them and start anew elsewhere. However, I wasn’t able to perceive my friends in the same manner, either I was hurt from what I perceived as betrayal or I felt association with them conjured negative memories of attempted suicide. I was then diagnosed with Clinical Depression, was prescribed with anti-depressants, and was enforced to see a therapist. A group of extremely close friends went against my intentions and desires and sought help for me, which ultimately prevented the aforementioned suicide. I won’t get into the nitty gritty as to why, but let’s say mental illness isn’t a rarity in my family. I do apologize in advanced if I drift off topic, as this is a relatively sensitive topic, and it’ll be in my nature to deviate from the beaten path, but hopefully by the end of this, you’ll have a better understanding of who I am, why gaming is so important to me, and why I believe this medium is an unparalleled, beautiful work of art. I’ll do my utmost best to not spoil the beautiful nature of the masterpiece that is Persona 4 but in order to properly convey this experience, I’ll have to touch on certain thematic elements that ultimately reflect my own personal struggles. A simple story of depression, weakness, solace, and hope…įor years I’ve thought of how to properly articulate this experience as it’s neither a pleasant nor heartfelt memory, but it’s an indispensable experience that I’m ready to share.
0 Comments
Read More
Leave a Reply. |